What She Might Have Said
by Amanthya
Summary: In the game, she left her feelings unsaid. In my version of the cut-scene, she couldn't just go to what might be her doom without saying...


_100 Series… Alicia still didn't quite say "it" but very strong implications here! One sentence in particular is just for you, can you guess which one?_

_Not really connected to my previous fic, What She Might Have Said. That one explored why Alicia thought she needed Silmeria while remaining true to the game ending, whereas this one is really AU. Must thank Rovelius on youtube for kindly putting up all the cutscenes for our viewing pleasure. This one is based off number 65. Alicia gets a little naughty, but my defense is, she got a little crazy because of the freedom of not having a spy in her own head. Yes, she misses Silmeria, but hey, now she has a little privacy. I was going to make this happen in the Forest of Spirits but decided not to…see author's notes at end of fic._

**What They Might Have Said**

"It's still too big, but it doesn't look so silly anymore," Rufus said as soon as he was once again flesh and bone, standing palm to outstretched palm with her.

Relief—joy, even—flooded her so suddenly she was almost shaking, and she replied without much thought. "That's because…it's my good-luck charm," she echoed her words of earlier as well.

"I guess I can't argue with that," he said, rather cheerfully for someone who had just been dead. But then, luck seemed to favor them.

None of that mattered to her when he tugged her hand slightly and she went into his arms, resting her check against the material of his shirt.

He hadn't wanted her to get hurt; she hadn't. He said he would welcome death; he had died. He seemed to be a half-Elf of his word, really. What she would give to hear him say he wanted to stay with her—not just until they saved the world, but a long time after that, as well. Maybe a very long time.

Time…it had no meaning here. If Rufus replaced Odin, he would stay here. Would she, as well? She had nothing to return to, and Silmeria, her true soul-sister, would likely remain in Valhalla to continue her duties under a new and, in Alicia's opinion, better Lord.

"Rufus…I'm so glad to have you with me again," she murmured. Her voice was muffled, but his sensitive ears understood every word. It was his brain that seemed to have difficulties.

"I know you don't think you can do this alone, but…I think you could, if you had to. You don't like to be alone, though, do you? I guess, with Silmeria, you never really were before."

She sighed inwardly; he was missing the point. Maybe he wasn't used to people being specifically glad for his presence in particular. She lifted her head to look him in the eyes.

"No. I mean, yes. I mean…" she felt her cheeks warm slightly. "Even if I had Silmeria…or anyone else…I'd still want you to be here."

It was his turn to flush as understanding sank in. "Oh…" His fingers around hers twitched slightly, as if he might pull away, and she clung tighter, hungry for contact, her arm firmly over his—resting warmly and delightfully around her waist—and around his back, keeping him close.

"Alicia," he began.

"I know this is terrible timing," she said earnestly. "We're trying to save the world. Either one of us might die. But…that's why I have to say this. I might not get another chance, again. Rufus…"

"Alicia," he interrupted, a strange expression across his face. He tried to pull back slightly but she didn't let him, and he didn't force it, though he could have. "That's not it. It kind of is, but it's not, really. The thing is…I've heard the way you talk about Silmeria. Like you need her. Like…"

"I do," she answered, confused. Her brows twitched up, watching his face redden even further.

"I don't want…that is…you know, to get in the way of…anything. Between you two. Because you're lonely."

She shook he head, choosing to ignore that last part. "We'll always be connected. We've been together all of my life."

"Exactly."

"I'll always need her. My soul's not used to being without her, and she's been like my sister, and for most of my life, the only friend I had," she explained. Rufus's expression cleared.

"Your sister! Oh. Right."

Something born of tales told in taverns she had been forced by need to visit clicked in her head with his words, and her mouth dropped open soundlessly for a full five seconds.

"Rufus!" she cried.

"What!" he said defensively, scowling a little.

"I'm not in love with Silmeria!"

He shrugged, pulling her arm up briefly. "Well, I…"

"I do love her, but not like I love y—"

She stopped talking, her lips working on words like I-didn't-mean-to-say-that and forget-you-heard-that but nothing came out.

He stared at her in equally shocked silence.

She hung her head, wishing she didn't suddenly understand the embarrassment that one serving maid had explained to a customer seated beside Alicia that she had felt after a few too many drinks had caused loose lips with a lover. She'd never meant to say that to him, it had just come out like it had a right to be said. Never mind that yes, she did actually feel that way about him.

She didn't see his expression soften, and a slightly foolish smile cross his lips. He let go of her hand and lifted her chin. She raised her head expecting a rebuke or rejection, however kindly put. She certainly didn't expect his lips on hers, his arm around her waist pulling her closer and his free hand gliding through her hair.

'Oh. So this is what it's like!' The kiss was chaste and gentle, and her first. And she wanted more.

When he made to pull away she pushed herself up on her toes and kissed him again, catching him with his lips slightly parted, allowing her a fuller taste. She was flushed all over and felt deliciously like one of those "bad girls" but she soothed her inner aristocrat by reminding it she was no longer really the princess of anything. She could kiss whoever she wanted without any gossip—she was in another world, for gods' sakes.

"Mm!" Rufus said against her mouth, but they both ignored his token protest. He pressed her closer still, and his hands slid down further, one on her back but the previous holder of that position was precariously near her read.

'Oh, my. I never thought I could do something like this, but then, Silmeria never let any boys near us…where exactly does he think that hand is going?' But when she thought about saying something, she realized her own hand was rubbing vigorously at his chest, ignoring her brain's commands to stop that, trying to get at his bare skin. Where was her other hand? Oh, at his bandana.

He broke off the kiss, pulling back. "What are you doing?"

"I want to see your ears," she insisted. "You always hide them, but there's no need now. Please?"

"Ah…fine. Just for a moment." He tugged the red cloth upwards slightly, so that it still covered his forehead but left the tips of his pointed ears exposed.

Enthralled at this secret revealed, she acted without thinking and captured his head with her hands, still on her toes, and tilted it down to place a kiss on the very end of one ear. "There!" She turned his head to reach the other one, but the their movements weren't quite in sync, and she ended up enveloping the tip with her lips, her tongue automatically flicking up to taste the curve, like a "very bad girl" might do, she'd heard.

'That's quite enough of that, young lady!' said a mental voice from the back of her head, sounding suspiciously like Silmeria's. Silmeria had never had any time for romance, she said—despite certain instances when Alicia was sleeping and awoke to Silmeria's kinder-than-normal tone to her einherjar Dylan/Brahms as evidence possibly to the contrary.

She reluctantly lowered herself and let Rufus straighten up. It was then she noticed the slightly glazed look in his eyes. "Um…Rufus? Are you okay?"

"Huh…yeah, I…that's great." He shook himself, blinking. "I mean, I'm fine."

Worried, she put her hand on his arm to steady him. "Are you sure? You seem a little dizzy." Well, there hadn't been much breathing lately…

"Uh…" He rubbed at the back of his head, as was his habit when flustered. "Well, Elves…and, uh, half-Elves' ears are, um, really sensitive. Physically, I mean."

"Oh!" Her hands flew to her cheeks. "Did I hurt you?"

He swallowed audibly. "Uh…no." He readjusted his bandana.

It took a few seconds for that to sink in, and they stared at the floor, caught each others' gazes, blushed, and looked down again.

Had she really just…had he really just…did they really just do that?

After a moment, he said, "I…I feel the same way about you, Alicia."

She looked up hopefully, and he smiled his crooked smile. But then he stopped smiling.

"But I don't know how this is going to end. One of us could…die. For good, I mean. And you know me. I'm not going to stop until I have no other choice."

"Me either!" she exclaimed.

His eyes lowered again, and she wondered if she had imagined the sadness there, because when he lifted them a second later, he was all determined smiles. "I haven't given up yet."

She smiled in return, because there was no going back, however enjoyable it had been. "What you say we go to Valhalla?"

"Right!"

_A/N: Re-up-loaded for minor but annoying edit.  
_

_I was thinking about the game ending…if Lezard hadn't stabbed Valkyrie, her body might have held up a bit longer, sustaining all four combined souls. What then would Rufus have done?_

_Does anyone else think they should have totally gotten it on in the Forest of Spirits? Someone should write a fic…but then, both of them are so shy it would be so very, very AU. Unless, maybe Lord Rufus is having a dream of revised history…Michelle! I know you have the skills to write this, and update Lezard's Triumph and Sacrificial Maiden too! Sorry, couldn't resist adding that last part._

_And does anyone else notice in scene 57, I think, when they reach the glowing rainbow road, what fun, and Rufus says "Alicia" in that surprised tone and she replies "It worked, we actually made it!" and collapses…right before she does, his hand on her shoulder moves up to caress her hair? Gosh, I'm just full of babble tonight, sorry!_


End file.
